You're Welcome

I’ve been known to be a bit of a stickler when it comes to manners, just ask my children. I can still recall my own voice at the kitchen table, at a birthday celebration, or in a restaurant, prompting them by asking, “What do you say?” I’ve always viewed manners as simple and respectful acts; a kind of common decency. It was how I was brought up and it’s something I felt was important to pass on to my children. So it came as a bit of a surprise to me when I realized that I may be missing out on the most important part.
It started as a simple conversation with a friend about the seemingly missing “You’re welcome” in our society. We weren’t talking about table manners; it was the bigger things in life that had our attention. We were focused on the meaningful gifts; the things we do for people, regardless of their size or cost, that come from the heart. The things we do out of love and caring.
As our conversation continued, it became clear to me that saying “You’re welcome” is the final component of any genuine gesture. Out of humbleness, fear, or embarrassment, we too often downplay what we have done for someone else. Unfortunately, doing so has the unintended result of reducing the value of the gift for both the giver and the recipient. When you do something meaningful for someone else and that person is touched by the gesture, they may naturally reach out to you in some way to say thanks. When your response is “it was no big deal” or “don’t worry about it,” you’re only minimizing what you’ve done for them; what they thought was a touching thing, you’ve classified as no big deal on your part.
You’re also not completing the gift if you don’t accept their thanks. By taking the opportunity to provide a genuine, yet still humble “you’re welcome,” you are really saying to them, “it may have been a big deal in some material way, but because I did it for you, because I truly care about you, it was a joy for me to do it. You are welcome in my life, you are welcome into my world of friends and loved ones; you are loved.” Yes, all that can really be said in “You are welcome”.
So please and thank you are still important to me; they speak to respect and common decency, but “You’re welcome” now sits all by itself. It’s more about relationships, true, honest relationships that are giving and unashamed.
Ever since that simple car ride with my friend and his insight on this seemingly straightforward phrase, it has taken on a much more significant meaning. I’m always amazed when that happens, when you are truly open and listening, how things can change so quickly. I think I’ll give my friend a call and say thanks. I wonder what he’ll say?